Hi. My name is Mark. I’m a senior account manager for a privately held systems integration firm. I have made my living as a salesperson for almost 20 years, and I have a confession to make: I DESPISE salespeople.
Not just a little mind you. When I have to deal with a salesperson I usually find myself wanting to cut off their eye lids, cover them in honey, and stake them to an ant pile. Or better yet, shove their polyester clad behinds into a wood chipper and spread the resulting mulch over their grave.
Ok, I might be exaggerating a little bit, but my feelings are intense enough that when my wife and I go shopping for a big ticket item she makes me repeat all the way there; “I WILL be nice to the salesperson, I WILL be nice to the salesperson.”
My contempt was rekindled recently when the need for a new vehicle lured us into a local Ford dealership.
ME: “We’ve been reading about the Escape Hybrid. Do you have one on the lot we could test drive?”
SALESPERSON: “I don’t have one here, but there is one at another lot nearby. Why don’t we go into my office and we can start drawing up the paperwork while I have it brought over.” At this point my wife saw the vein bulging in my neck, took my hand and whispered; “steady.”
ME: (attempting to remain pleasant and calm) “I really couldn’t commit to purchasing a $30,000.00 vehicle without either seeing it or test driving it.”
SALESPERSON (with an attitude): “I can assure you that it is the only one left in the state and it will be gone within the hour. If you don’t buy it right now, you won’t find another one for months.”
ME: “I’m afraid you’ve left me no choice, I’m going to have to kill you now.”
The only type of salesperson who incites rage in me more than a car salesman is a furniture salesman. They never take “I’m just looking” as an answer. They cling to you like blood sucking parasites, insistent that you come and look at the latest shipment of baby furniture even though you just told them your kids are 35 years old.
To be fair to car and furniture salespeople, I don’t live in their world. In my business a single sale is generally hundreds of thousands of dollars. People don’t make buying decisions of that magnitude quickly. The sales cycle is at least several months and often several years. I can’t imagine the stress of having to live and die by the need to close sales every day.
So I don’t really despise them personally, I despise how they have to do business. So here are a few rules of thumb when given the pitch by these guys (or gals - I’m an equal opportunity despiser).
1. If the salesperson says that what you want to buy is one of a kind and that if you miss this opportunity, the object of your desire will be gone forever, unless it’s a priceless antique, flip them on the nose and walk out of the building. They have factories for a reason, to make more of whatever it is you want.
2. If the salesperson says that the sale ends today and that you won’t be able to get it at that price tomorrow, they are lying. If they can make the deal today, they can make the same deal next week if they really want too. If they don’t want too, go buy it from someone who will.
3. If what they are selling is not “value-added” and the only purchasing factor is price, do not be embarrassed to make a low-ball offer. All they can do is say no, and to the best of my knowledge no one has ever died from being told no. Even if they say they don’t negotiate, everybody negotiates. Life is a negotiation. With that being said, don’t expect to get something for nothing. Every business deserves a fair profit.
4. Do your research and know what you want before you go. Be polite (yes, I can be polite if my wife threatens me enough) but be firm. If they start the sales spin walk away.
5. And finally if a salesperson ever begins a sentence with “Let me be honest” everything that comes out of their mouth from that point on is fertilizer. No one ever says "let me be honest" if they are actually being honest.
I’m headed into town now to shop for some home office furniture.
I have my wood chipper ready.
I have to say that whenever I deal with salespeople on any level I give them props. I've been without a job for over a year, and though I would be willing to take any position offered me, I know that I would never be able to function under those conditions. Though I can be quite the actress, I don't think I could persistently do wrong by other people for any reason.....It's also what has kept me from dealing drugs and prostitution lol....although I suppose prostitution wouldn't be doing anyone wrong but myself. Still, you have to respect the fact that they're taking the shittiest job either because they wanted it or because they had to, and that they've managed to keep it long enough to sell you whatever it is you're looking for. I say, when you are put in these situations, imagine the preparations they have to go through for this act, imagine them as real people like anyone else, who is acting....and if they aren't God help us all.
ReplyDeleteThanks Mark, love your blog.
You need a real website - http://www.builditdigital.com.
ReplyDeleteRobert
I used to sell Clinique at a high-end department store (which no longer exists--I hope I didn't drive them into the ground) and I was not particularly good at it. Thankfully, they recognized this and promoted me.
ReplyDelete