Political Spin – It’s been in existence ever since George Washington uttered these famous words; “I cannot tell a lie, I did NOT have sex with that cherry tree.”
I certainly understand the need for political spin. We all need to put the best light on a bad situation from time to time. However, there are times where the level of spin that comes out of Washington would put one of our Oklahoma tornados to shame.
I recently picked up a copy of Senator Robert C. Byrd’s memoir; “Robert C. Byrd: Child of the Appalachian Coalfields.” Let me begin by saying that I admired Byrd. He was a conservative Democrat and the longest serving member in the history of the U.S Congress. My son was the recipient of the Robert C. Byrd academic scholarship all four years he was in college, so I actually owe a slightly less emaciated pocketbook to Byrd’s legacy. In his memoir, however, he talks about the one scandal that has plagued his career for the past 40 years - the year he served as an “Exalted Cyclops” in the KKK. This is where spin reaches Tilt-A-Whirl proportions.
Byrd says his time in the Klan was ''an extraordinarily foolish mistake.'' However, he goes on to say that he never resented blacks, Catholics or Jews; he simply failed to ''examine the full meaning and impact of the ugly prejudice behind the positive, pro-American veneer.''
So…are we to believe that he joined the KKK because it sounded like the Boy Scouts and that he didn’t really realize it was a violent, ugly, racist organization? PUUULLLLEEEEZZZZE! I would have more respect for him if he simply stated the truth which is probably closer to “time, maturity, and experience have taught me that my early views concerning race were wrong, inexcusable, and immoral, but at that time I just thought it would be fun to go lynch me a few black men.”
I’m beginning to think, however, that Washington might be on to something. If spin is OK for a Washington politician, why shouldn’t we civilians use the same level of spin in our daily lives? With that in mind, I offer some possible ways to use “Washington Spin” to defend situations that people might find themselves in from time to time.
For the child who comes home with an “F” on his report card, I suggest:
“An ‘F’ on my report card is not an indication of failure. In fact, it is a personal statement regarding the inaccuracy of standard grading practices as they relate to the actual progress of my fellow students. Studies indicate that current grading practices discriminate against African-American and Hispanic students as well as give skewed results on the progress of both gifted and marginal students. My ‘F’ is a testament to my social consciousness and my belief that any fellow students who receive an ‘F’ should not be judged for it, or should it adversely affect their sense of self esteem.”
For the alcoholic who falls off the wagon, I suggest:
“My recent return to a life-style marked by the over-consumption of alcohol should not be interpreted as a socially irresponsible act. In fact, while doing stock market research, I discovered that my period of sobriety actually had a negative impact on the stock price of the Thunderbird Wine Company. Dips in stock prices often necessitate the restructuring of an organization which can result in the loss of jobs. The loss of jobs, in turn, has a negative impact on the entire U.S. economy. Therefore, my return to alcoholism should be seen as an act of economic responsibility.”
For the husband who gets caught fooling around, I suggest:
“Sweetheart, the recent evening I spent at the Shady Lanes Motor Inn with the new girl from the office pool should not be construed as a betrayal of our wedding vows. I was actually doing hands-on research into Freud’s Psychosexual Stages of Development as it relates to 22 year old girls so that I might better understand your development history from 20 years ago. I did this in order to be a more understanding, empathetic, and responsive husband. There’s no need to thank me, that’s just the kind of guy I am.”
Spin…if it’s good enough for a Senator, it should be good enough for all of us.
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