What technology REALLY means to men.

Having roamed the earth with the dinosaurs I can point to all sorts of antiquated technology that was a part of my formative years; fire, the wheel, the eight track player, Commodore 64 computers, and pong. I’m old enough to not only have religiously watched the original Star Trek series but to admit that back then it didn’t look CHEESY.

I actually feel fortunate that I was born at a time when you had to find answers to questions in your grandmother’s dusty 1934 edition of the Encyclopedia Britannica, or worse yet, you had to go an actual library. This is because I’m still capable of feeling a sense of wonder at the fact that if I suddenly HAVE to know who was named MVP in the 1974 world series I can find out on my phone in less than 15 seconds (I’ll save you from looking it up. It was Rollie Fingers.)

Technology has become an integral part of our daily lives. That becomes obvious when the network goes down at your office doesn’t it? What do you do when that happens? You can’t work, and more importantly, you can’t check anyone’s Facebook status, so you might as well go home.

I’ve noticed, however, that men and women tend to view technology differently. Women see technology as a way to better the human race, to facilitate communication, and to connect us all in ways that bring us to a better understanding of our fellow travelers on planet earth.

Men see technology as a great way to waste time, blow things up, and make things louder. As proof I offer any one of the 13 editions of “Grand Theft Auto.”

Actually, the industry I work in is a perfect case in point. For almost 20 years I’ve worked for technology companies that design and install sound, video, and lighting systems in performing arts centers, theaters, stadiums, and Houses of Worship. I work with some of the most gifted engineers on the planet. When we come into to design a sound system for your facility we will begin in CAD, doing extensive E.A.S.E. or M.A.P.P. modeling (Multipurpose Acoustical Prediction Program), analyzing every acoustical anomaly in the room so that we can design a system that has perfectly flat frequency response, covers the room seamlessly, and produces pristine audio that can translate the subtleties of even the most nuanced of musical performances.

After the system is installed we will do extensive tuning using test microphones everywhere, employing software like S.M.A.A.R.T LIVE until we are convinced that the system has reached perfection.

Once the system demonstration is done, the men in the room (both customer and provider) will wait until all the women have left. They will look conspiratorially at each other and someone will slowly reach into their briefcase and pull out an old Allman Brothers CD. We will then turn the system up for it’s real test which is to see if it can get loud enough to actually induce cardiac arrest, or if the subwoofers can cause someone standing near them to lose bowel control. If either of those are accomplished we can pat ourselves on the back and go home knowing we’ve done a great job.

We can’t help ourselves. We’re men.

For a take on how women view technology visit: Kirb Appeal